Darker Dreams
by n00btmntfan
Summary: This is an alternate version of the episode "In Dreams." The nightmares are a more psychological exploration of the characters' inner fears and turmoils, and I delve into what would have happened after they woke up. I re-imagine the Dream Beavers with shape-shifting capabilities, so they do not always appear as beavers in the nightmares. Rated T for violence and death.
1. Donatello's Nightmare

** Author's Note: I wasn't crazy about the episode "In Dreams," but I liked the premise. So, this is my re-write of what their dreams would have been. **

**Disclaimer: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, all related characters, and all derived works are the intellectual property of Nickelodeon, Viacom, Eastman, and Laird. This story is for entertainment purposes and not for monetary gain. In no way should this story be taken to be anything other than a fan-based expansion of and commentary on the source material. n00btmntfan is in no way associated with the makers of TMNT.**

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><p>His heart pounding with fear, Donatello raced through the alleyways of New York. He had no idea what was pursuing him.<p>

A dark shadow rose up in front of him; with a scream, he stopped short and ran the other way. The shadow rose there, too. He grabbed for his bo-staff, but it was gone. In panic, his shaking, sweaty fingers searched his belt for any shuriken or hidden knives.

Nothing. He was completely unarmed.

The formless shadow loomed above him. "Do you know what I am?" it said.

"N-no," Donnie replied.

"Do you fear me?"

Donnie hesitated. "Should I?"

"Do you know what I am?"

Donnie's pulse raced higher.

"Do you know what I am?"

"No!"

"Do you fear me?"

"Yes!"

"Do you know why?"

"No," Donnie said. For a moment, he stopped to consider the question. "Actually, I don't. I mean, I'm just afraid of you because I don't know what you are."

"Precisely," the entity said. A massive clawed arm swiped out from the shadowy mist and struck Donnie.

With a cry, Donnie landed on his back. He was dazed for a moment. The shadowy figure was gone. Then, an icy arm seemed to be wrapping its way around his neck.

A cold, disembodied voice spoke next to his ear. "Knowledge is your sustenance. Without knowledge, you live in fear. And fear—well, fear is _my_ sustenance."

Everything around Donnie dissipated in a mist; he was in a free-fall.

"What you don't know is more frightening than what you do," the icy voice said. The voice gnawed at him like teeth trying to saw their way through his soul.

With a thud, he landed in the sewers. Donnie looked up to see Shredder fling Splinter into the drain pipe. Splinter disappeared beneath the swirling currents.

"Hope is fear," the voice hissed. "If you knew he were dead, you would not be afraid. But you know there is a chance he lives. This frightens you even more, because what if…"

The world shifted. Helplessly, Donnie watched as the Kraang performed horrible experiments on Splinter. It shifted again; Splinter's dead body floated up against a grate in the tunnel. It shifted again.

Splinter, alone in the destroyed lair. "Where are my sons?" he asked sadly. "Do they live?" Splinter fell to his knees, then looked up. The icy voice came out of his mouth. "So much FEAR!"

The world shattered again; Donnie found himself running through the alleyways again, trying to evade the dark mass that followed behind him.

"You have so much fear. So many things make you afraid!" the voice hissed.

The world spun.

April, dead.

His brothers, dead.

Donnie fell and bashed his head against the ground. "What are you?"

"Ignorance," the voice hissed. "Stupidity. Uselessness. Failure."

"No—no, those things aren't just disembodied…"

"Oh, no, Donatello. I am _your _ignorance. _Your_ stupidity. _Your_ uselessness. _Your_ failure."

The ground beneath Donnie disintegrated like shattering glass. Each piece showed him, reflecting his inadequacies like a fun-house mirror.

The shadowy form condensed into a mirror image of himself. "I am everything about yourself that you hate and fear. You carry me with you every day. Every day I feed on you, destroy you. I destroy you with your hopes."

As if watching it on a movie screen, Donnie saw April wrap her arms around Casey and kiss him. She looked straight at Donnie. "Hope is fear," she hissed.

"I destroy you with your failures," his shadow-self said.

Every failed experiment, every accident, everything he had ever messed up came flying straight for his face.

"I destroy you with your ignorance."

The thousands of problems and questions he longed to solve but couldn't buzzed around his mind.

"I destroy you with your uselessness!"

Everything else melted away. Disembodied, Donnie watched as their attempt to stop the Kraang failed. "Useless," he muttered to himself. "I'm—useless—I—failed—I'm—stupid!"

"There is nothing left of you—nothing—but your _fear_!"

"No!" Donnie closed his eyes tightly. Everything seemed to be quiet. When he opened his eyes, he was just lying in his bed at the farmhouse. He sighed. "It was just a dream," he muttered.

A dark figure lurked in the corner.

It was himself.

"I'm still here," his mirror-image hissed, extending the naginata blade on his bo-staff.


	2. Michelangelo's Nightmare

As Mikey wandered through the huge ice cream wonderland, he emitted a loud, high pitched giggle. He didn't care if he sounded girly or not – _he was in an ice cream world! _

The huge, brilliant blue beaver didn't give him pause. He'd imagined things far more exotic than that before. Besides, compared to all of the mutants Mikey had run into, this thing was positively cute. He chuckled when he imagined how the others would react. They would probably freak out. "Hey, giant beaver dude! What's up with all this ice cream, amirite?"

The beaver grinned stupidly. "Hi, giant turtle dude. I'm Dave. Imma s'posed to scare you."

Mikey laughed. "Well, you're doing a terrible job."

"Oh. Okay. Bye now!" With that, the giant beaver evaporated.

"Huh. That was weird," Mikey said to no one in particular. He scooped up a handful of ice cream from the ground and shoved it in his mouth. Rolling his eyes back in his head, he savored the rich, creamy flavor. "This. Is. AWESOME! Man, I wish the other guys were here to see this."

He wandered around for a while, periodically sampling the delicious landscape, goggling at the huge candy cane trees, and laughing at the lollipop toadstools that rose up from the blanket of ice cream.

"Boy, I bet Ice Cream Kitty would like it here," he commented.

As his voice faded, he became acutely aware of how silent it was. There didn't seem to be any kind of animals anywhere, and there wasn't even a breeze.

Suddenly, he really wished the other guys were with him, and not just so that they could see the ice cream.

"Feeling lonely?" Dave's cheerful, friendly voice came from behind him.

Mikey whirled around. "Dave, I'm so glad you're – "

But the world behind him was just more of the empty ice cream landscape.

" –here," Mikey finished sadly.

As he kept walking, he noticed that the temperature seemed to be dropping. The radiant lollipop sun in the sky started getting dimmer. He felt a sudden stab of panic. He was completely and totally alone, and it was getting dark.

He had spent years of his life swearing up and down that he wasn't afraid of the dark. The truth was that he was afraid of it on some small level, even now. It was mostly because of what Donnie called his 'overactive imagination.' But it had been years since he had genuinely been terrified of the dark itself. What had finally cured him of his fear was a conversation with Raph at the age of eight.

"Don't worry, Mikey," Raph had said. "You don't need to be afraid of anything in the dark, because if there ever is anything, I'll kick its butt for you."

But Raph wasn't here now. None of his brothers were.

It was just him.

"Hello?" Mikey called into the sugary dusk. "Is anybody there?"

There wasn't even an echo.

"Boy, you sure are all alone," Dave's voice said.

Once again, Mikey whirled around to find no one. "Dave? Are you there?"

But there was no answer.

_Alone. _

Mikey's heart started to race. "Dave, I know you're there! You keep sayin' stuff to me, you've got to be around here somewhere!"

The world remained silent as the lollipop sun dipped beyond the ice cream horizon. The temperature dropped along with it. As Mikey stumbled around in the faint last light, he started to shiver. He remembered one winter when the electricity on their grid went out, and it had become really cold in the sewers. But it wasn't a problem. The five of them had piled onto the couch together. Master Splinter threw a blanket over all of them and kept them entertained by telling traditional Japanese stories.

The cold had been bearable because he hadn't been alone.

As the last of the light snuffed out, Mikey realized that the darkness had been bearable because he'd never been alone.

_Boy, you sure are alone, aren't you?_

"Ra-a-aph!" Mikey screamed. "Leo! Donnie-e-e!"

There wasn't even the slightest stirring of sound in response.

"Sensei?" he whispered.

Mikey sank down onto the ground. The ice cream was freezing cold, and now it seemed disgustingly sticky. Fear and loneliness finally won out. He started crying like he hadn't since he was a little kid.

Longingly, he thought back to the times he'd crawled into Master Splinter's lap when he was little. He'd always found so much comfort and safety there.

And now Master Splinter was gone.

Everyone was gone.

He was all alone.

_Alone. _


	3. Raphael's Nightmare

Raphael practiced his forms in the dojo, powerful strike after powerful strike. As he whirled his sai and stabbed them into the air, he grinned with satisfaction at his skill.

"You think you are very powerful, do you not?" a wonderfully familiar voice said. "You think that your strength is your greatest asset."

Raph spun around. "Sensei!" he shouted. "You're alive!" He ran to give Master Splinter a hug. Just before Raph reached him, a twisted grin crept on onto Splinter's face and he vanished, leaving Raph with nothing but an armful of cold mist. "Sensei?"

Splinter rematerialized on the other side of the room. "You are anything but powerful, Raphael. You are helpless."

Raph's temper flared up. "That's not true! I'll show you who's helpless!" He charged Splinter, too blinded by anger to think about the fact that Splinter could easily hand Raphael's shell to him.

As he ran, the world changed. He slammed into the metal bars of a sewer grate. On the other side, Shredder and Splinter dueled each other.

A low hissing voice spoke in Raphael's ear. "What can you do to save him? Nothing. Nothing at all."

"Sensei!" Raph pulled at the bars in desperation as he watched Splinter plummet to the ground. Shredder picked Splinter up. "No! Don't do it!"

The scene froze as Splinter's body made contact with the water.

"You are powerless," the voice hissed. "Weak."

Raphael screamed and whirled around, punching the air. "Show yourself! You think I'm powerless, huh? I'll show you!"

A large, dark mass lurked in the shadows of the sewers. "I don't think you're powerless. I know you are. You know it too.

"What were you able to do against the Creep?"

Raphael shuddered as he remembered the giant monster grabbing hold of him. He hadn't been able to do anything, there was no way he could have fought back, he…

"That doesn't prove anything!" Raph shouted, charging the mass. He drew his sai and was about to strike, but they vanished from his hands.

The mass stepped back from the strike, tsking. "Not powerless? Where are your weapons?"

"I don't need weapons!"

"Mm. Of course you don't. What good did they do you against that Mom-thing? "

The world shifted. Suddenly, Raphael was in the grasps of the Mom-thing's huge, slimy, tentacled mouth. He roared and struggled, unable to do anything…

Everything changed again. This time, he was stuck in a trap on the ground, struggling to escape. He looked up, saw Karai falling into the vat of mutagen. There was nothing he could have done …

"Powerless," the voice said. "Powerless and weak."

"No," Raph moaned.

The world whirled around him in a confusing blur. The next thing he knew, he sat tied to chair as the dark mass approached him. It shifted into the shape of Master Splinter and walked around him in circles.

"You couldn't save me," Splinter said. His voice was a low hiss. "What could you do for Leonardo? You sat by his side, wanting to help, but what could you do? You were powerless."

Raph watched in horror as Leo's limp body came flying in through the window.

"You tried to stop the Kraang, but you were powerless against them, too."

Kraang Prime was coming straight for them – what could he have done? Donnie was the genius with the tech. April's powers drove the creature back. Casey was the one who'd smashed into the thing.

"Every chain has a weak link, Raphael. That weak link is _you._"

Raph struggled uselessly against the ropes. "I'm not powerless! I'm not weak! I'm _not!"_

Splinter vanished. The dark mass congealed into a gigantic black beaver with fang-like incisors. "Then what will you do to stop me?" In the background, Leo, Donnie, and Mikey appeared, all bound in ropes. "What will you do to stop me from killing them? What have you _ever _been able to do? You'll watch them die, and you'll be the only one left.

"You'll die alone."

The giant beaver lifted up its foot, poised to crush Raph's brothers.

"No! Don't do it!" he screamed. It was like watching Shredder fling Splinter into the sewer drain all over again. "No! No!"

The beaver's massive foot crushed down on top of them. When he lifted up his foot, all three of them were a lifeless, bloodied mess, their shells crumbled into pieces.

Raphael's heart seemed to explode inside of him. He screamed his brother's names, begging them to get up.

Suddenly, Splinter was at his side again. "You couldn't save them. You couldn't save me. And you can't save yourself."

Then Splinter was gone. Raph remained alone, tied to the chair, struggling, and screaming as stared at his brother's dead bodies.


	4. Leonardo's Nightmare

**Author's note: This one was a little harder to write. As the leader, it seemed to me that Leo's fears would be more complex. Since we know that both failure and his brothers dying because of it are his greatest fear (thank you, ****_Fungus Humongous_****), I realized that this had the potential to be too similar to Donnie's and Raph's dreams. I also didn't want it to turn into ****_Fungus Humonguous _****2.0. In addition, I wanted to explore Leo's thoughts on their being stuck at the cabin. Hopefully, I hit the mark. This chapter is a bit longer, and it is also the most violent one yet.**

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><p>Leo limped out of the house into the woods, cursing his injured leg the whole way. He hated feeling this way . He was supposed to be the leader – Splinter had chosen him – but here he was, unable to lead because he was hobbling behind.<p>

It wasn't as though it was unusual for Raph to beat him – and at least this time, Raph had been sympathetic instead of mocking him.

Leo knew that they needed to go back to New York. The Kraang threat was just going to keep spreading unless they cut it off at the source. He hadn't seen the results of the Kraang's perfected mutagen with his own eyes, but news reports from somewhere in New Jersey had managed to get photographs of it.

No single news station in New York was reporting. How could they?

Leo wanted to lead the charge into New York, to save the day, to be the hero he'd always figured he was destined to be…

With that thought, a gigantic meteorite plummeted from the sky and landed only a few feet away from him. Nonplussed, he hobbled over to it. On a whim, he touched it.

Electrical currents flooded his body. He was thrown back several hundred feet. But when he stood up, he was completely and totally healed.

"This is amazing!" he shouted, not caring that there was nobody to hear him. He practiced all of his favorite kenjutsu katas, reveling in the renewed strength of his body. He performed a mighty leap, and to his shock, he was leaping over the tree tops. "I'm a super hero!" he shouted. "Watch out Kraang, here we come!"

Suddenly, something collided with him and he plummeted to the ground. After he'd recovered from a moment of dazedness, he looked up. A massive, evil looking beaver stood over him.

"A super hero, hmm?" the beaver said. "It would seem you need a super villain."

Leo narrowed his eyes. Some of the mutagen that had spilled in the woods must have affected a beaver dam or something. "Oh yeah? Bring it – um, huh. Where's Mikey where you need him?"

The beaver raised a huge foot to stomp him; Leo rolled out of the way. With a shout, he slashed at the beaver's ankles. The beaver fell to the ground. Leo leapt onto the beaver's chest, holding the point of his sword at the beaver's throat.

"Ha!" Leo shouted. "I've beaten you!"

The giant beaver lay on the ground, staring down the blade of Leo's katana. It grinned wickedly. "Oh, have you, mighty hero?"

Two massive clawed arms moved faster than Leo could even see – the next thing he knew, he was flying through the air. When he hit the ground, he looked up to see his brothers around him. They helped him up.

"All right, you monster!" Leo said. "You might be more powerful than me, but against my team, you're helpless!"

The beaver chuckled sadistically.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Raph said. "_Your _team?"

"Um, well, yeah…I'm leader…"

"The heck you are!" Donnie said. "Some leader. Where did your leadership take you, exactly?"

"Yeah, dude," Mikey added. "Way to go with that awesome plan that nearly killed you and us."

Raph shoved a finger at Leo's chest. "If you think we're following you anywhere, then you're stupider than we thought."

"They are right, Leonardo."

Leo whirled around in shock at the sound of Master Splinter's voice. The two of them were in the dojo. The beaver, the woods, and his brothers had vanished entirely. "Sensei?"

Splinter scowled. "I regret nothing more than my decision to make you leader. Your lack of decisiveness, and your inability to convince your brothers of your authority, caused all of this."

"No," Leo muttered. "I – "

"Furthermore," Splinter said, as he pounded his staff on the ground, "you are solely responsible for what happened to Karai. Your leadership – and then your failure to lead – led to those events.

"My daughter is ruined because of _you!" _

The world spun in a kaleidoscope all around him; the dojo was gone. Leo leapt to catch the cage as Karai fell…

He missed. Her terrified eyes stared up at him, begging him to help her. Then, in an instant, they disappeared into the vat of mutagen.

"No!" Leo cried. "Karai! No!"

"All your fault," hissed an icy voice. "All your fault. All your fault…"

Leo grabbed his head and squeezed his eyes shut. "It is – it's all my fault…"

He was in a free fall, spinning out of control.

He'd never been in control.

He slammed into the ground. When he opened his eyes, Leo found himself in a horribly familiar construction site in New York. Snowflakes drifted lazily from the overcast sky.

A shadow stood overhead. Leo's stomach turned into a brick of ice.

_Shredder. _

"You fool," Shredder said. "Deluded by your youth and ridiculous ideations. Did you really think you could defeat me? Did you think you could defeat the Kraang? Did you really think you were ever suited to lead?

"_You _are nothing. _I _am a leader. My men follow my orders without the slightest hesitation. Attack!"

Tiger Claw, Fish Face, and Rahzar leapt down from above.

Leo realized he was unarmed. He'd lost his swords in the fight against all the Footbots. He was exhausted. He wasn't a super hero. He wasn't even a hero. He'd never been one.

And he never would be.

The three mutants converged on him – with every blow, he felt his strength draining away. He was becoming weaker and weaker…

"You will always be too weak to lead," Shredder said. He gestured to his henchmen. "Finish him."

With a roar, Leo pushed himself back from the brink of despair. Fueled by rage – rage at the Shredder, rage at himself – he drove back the three mutants. Against all the odds, he was winning…

…then Shredder stood behind him. He wheeled around. All he could do was raise his forearms to block the strike…

Shredder's blades bit into the flesh of Leo's arm. With a cry, he flew backward. Another sharp kick broke his leg. He fell to the ground, moaning in pain. Shredder plunged his blades into Leo's upper chest. Leo started gasping for air, coughing up mouthfuls of blood.

"So weak," Shredder said. "Incompetent fool. At least you lead your family in one thing. You lead before them as the first to die" – he twisted the blades; Leo cried out in agony – "and you led them into the jaws of death."

Unable to move, bleeding out slowly, Leo watched as the world spun around him. Shredder attacked and killed his brothers one by one. Raph's throat was slit. The Shredder impaled Donnie through the vulnerable joints in his plastron. Screaming, Mikey leapt into the fray.

Shredder strangled him with the chain of his own kusarigama.

"No…" Leo gasped, choking on blood. The scene played over and over again like a video on loop, soundless except for an icy voice laughing in delight.


	5. Breaking Through Despair

"No…no, no, no…please, wake up!" April shook Leo by the shoulders. "He's out too, Casey! His pulse is really weak!"

"Raph's too," Casey said. "Just like Mikey and Donnie. What are we going to do?"

"I don't know." April moved back over to Mikey and placed a shaky hand over his carotid, silently begging that there would still be a pulse. "Do you think that guy at the store has something to do with this?"

Casey's expression hardened. His slammed a fist into his palm. "I'll go check it out. Keep trying to wake them up." He hurried to grab his gear, then ran out the door.

April was left alone with the turtles and her own pounding heart. Her pulse raced in fear – she wished that her heart could beat for them, and somehow keep them alive. After everything they'd been through together, she couldn't imagine anything worse than losing her friends.

If she could only somehow _will _them to wake up…

That was when she remembered that she did, in a way, have a way to impose her will on the surroundings. It was how she'd escaped the Kraang, and that horrible mom-thing. She'd just wanted to be safe so badly, and it had happened.

She drew a lip into her mouth. Would that work? Would she end up hurting her friends?

As she counted Donnie's flagging pulse, she knew that she didn't have a choice. Unsure of what to do, she placed her hands on Donnie's head. If everything hadn't been so deadly serious, she would have laughed at how it reminded her of the Valkan mind melds in _Space Heroes_.

"Okay," she muttered. "Here goes."

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><p>Donnie dodged a battery of shuriken. His evil mirror image was following close behind him. It was only a matter of time until he tripped, and the blade of his own naginata would end his life.<p>

"You are nothing," his dream image hissed. "A failure. An idiot. Why are you running? You should be begging me to kill you, you worthless freak! You add nothing of value to this world!"

Donnie tripped and fell onto the hard pavement. "You – you're right…" He didn't even have the will to push himself back up.

"Of course I am. Ask me to kill you. I'll be glad to do it. It will be so much easier than holding on to your useless, pathetic existence."

_Useless. Failure. Idiot. Freak. _

"Please," Donnie moaned. "Please, just kill me."

The dream image laughed. "As you wish."

As Donnie braced himself for the inevitable strike, a scared, feminine voice broke into his perception.

"Donnie! Donnie, please!"

_April. _She was in trouble.

He might not add anything of value to the world, but that didn't matter. April was in trouble. As long as he had someone – anyone – who needed to be protected, he still had a reason to live.

He rolled out of the way just in time; his mirror image's naginata blade sparked against the cement.

There was no time for hesitation now. Donnie jumped from the ground and started running. "April, where are you?"

"She is nowhere." His pursuer's voice was filled with anger. "You are all alone."

Frantically, Donnie ducked down an adjoining alleyway. He had no idea how he'd gotten back to New York again, but here he was. There was a dumpster a few yards away from him –

April stood near the dumpster.

Donnie's heart leapt. "April – you're okay! How did you get here?"

"Donnie, you have to wake up!" April cried. Her face was twisted with desperation. "You're asleep, and you're dying! You have to wake up. Please, please, wake up!"

The mirror image ran down the alley and threw the naginata straight at April. There was nothing Donnie could do. She was going to die, and it would be _his _failure, _his _uselessness…

But April vanished in a cloud of mist and the naginata struck the dumpster.

"Wait a minute," Donnie said. "April's right. This…this is a dream. This isn't real. It shifts randomly, just like a dream. There's no way that I'm in New York." He turned to his grinning mirror image. "You're not real. You're just a construct of my unconscious mind."

"This _is _a dream. But I assure you that I am very, very real." Laughing, his mirror image shifted into a 20-foot tall beaver. "It's never as much fun when they realize they're dreaming. It takes so much of the dread out of it. But your little friend is right, though I have no idea how _she_ managed to break through to you. You are dying. I'm feeding on you. And there isn't a thing you can do about it."

"You're – feeding on me?"

"Well, not _you_ physically, but your life force. I always wanted to eat turtle. I suspect that they are oh-so salty and delicious."

"Salty?" Donnie raised an eyebrow in disbelief. "_Really_? You went with _salty?_ That's such a stereotype – I'm a freshwater turtle!"

"My, you're sarcastic and precocious. I liked you better when you were scared of me. Let's return to that, shall we?" The beaver tripled in size. "This might be a dream, but I can still hurt you."

"Oh, crud," Donnie said, turning on his heels and breaking into a run.

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><p>April opened her eyes. Donnie was still asleep. She had to hope that what she had tried would help him snap out of it. "I can't lose you, Donnie," she whispered. "I just can't."<p> 


	6. Breaking Through Loneliness

**Author's note: The reader may assume that for the most part, the rest of the events occur as they did in the episode. For example, Casey has gone to the store to talk to the guy with the dream plug, and after their conversation, they have the fight with the chain saw, and things proceed the same except for what I've written. Thanks so much to all the reviewers and followers! You guys are great. :)**

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><p>"Dream…<em>beavers<em>?" Casey burst out laughing.

The haggard old man nodded. "I know it sounds ridiculous."

Casey shrugged. "Meh, if I couldn't handle ridiculous, I would've gone nuts months ago. So let me get this straight: dreams are really a different dimension?"

"Yes," the man said emphatically. "And those beavers are more like demons in beaver form. They're absolutely terrible. In your unconscious state, all of your thoughts and memories are vulnerable. Normally, when we dream, they recombine randomly. But the Dream Beavers are able to manipulate them and direct the dream the way they want it to go. They have everything you've ever done or thought to work with. I can't possibly imagine the horrible things they could do in real life."

"Okay, but why won't my friends wake up?"

"The Beavers won't let them. They'll keep them asleep until they've finished feeding."

Casey grimaced. "Feeding?"

"Yes. They draw out your life force and feed on it. It's terrible. I barely escaped myself. It's bad enough that they try to kill you…they get most of their nourishment from fear. The more terrified the victim, the more satisfying. And as I said…they have _everything_ you've ever known to work with. They can see your worst fears more easily than you can. Then, once your life force is gone, you die, and they move on to their next victims."

Casey's stomach twisted. With everything that had happened to them recently, he hated to think what kind of dreams his friends were having. "So…my friends are going to have horrible nightmares until they die?"

"Yes."

"Dude, I don't care what those beavers could do here. We've gotta pull that dream plug."

The old man picked up a massive chain saw. "Not going to happen."

Casey had already lost too much. His dad, his sister, his home…he wasn't about to let his friends die on account of some old paranoiac. "Pull the plug, man," he growled.

The chain saw revved. "No."

"If that's the way you want it, _Casey Jones_ will bring the pain!" He grabbed his hockey stick and attacked. _"Goongala!"_

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><p>"Okay, Mikey, come on," April said, gently smacking the side of Mikey's face. "I know you can wake up. If you wake up, we'll get pizza! With pepperoni!" April looked back over at Donnie. There didn't seem to be any change. But just because it hadn't worked yet didn't mean it wouldn't…<p>

She grabbed the sides of Mikey's head and started to concentrate.

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><p>Cold, lonely, and covered in sticky ice cream, Mikey had finally cried to the point where he couldn't anymore. His whole body was locked up with fear. He couldn't even say anything anymore. If it was possible to die of loneliness, that was what was happening.<p>

He had never thought much about dying, but he always assumed it would be as an old dude, or during an epic fight where he and his brothers went down in a blaze of glory.

Or got swallowed by a Kraang worm, or shot by Kraang, or something like that.

But the loneliness was worse than anything he'd ever experienced. He was going to be alone for the rest of his life. That terrified him more than any of the freaky things they'd seen yet.

Now, he couldn't even cry about it.

"Mikey? Michelangelo!"

Weakly, Mikey pushed himself up from the ground. "Wait a minute…April?"

Once again, there was only silence. Mikey collapsed back down to the ground, lying on his front. He plopped his face into ice cream. "I'm hearin' things."

After a few more minutes, he thought he heard another small sound. He lifted up his head just enough to see that a small light shone in the distance. It appeared to be a large glowing lollipop, and it was running toward Mikey at an alarming rate. He thought about maybe getting up, just in case it was going to attack him or something, but he felt like lying here in the snow and dying of loneliness might be the easier option.

The glowing lollipop thing nudged Mikey's shoulder. "Wake up," it said.

"A giant glowing lollipop that sounds like April," Mikey muttered. "Everyone knows that lollipops are dishonest."

"Mikey, wake up! It's April. Please, you've got to wake up. You're asleep. I'm begging you! You're like the little brother I never had…please, please don't do this to me…don't leave me, Mikey."

Mikey pushed himself up. "Wait a minute…everyone knows that lollipops are dishonest, but something here isn't addin' up. Ice cream world? Glowing lollipops telling me I'm asleep? What if I'm not really alone…what if I'm just dreaming?"

"Oh, you is," Dave's voice said. Suddenly, it was brilliant daylight again, and the gargantuan blue beaver stood in front of Mikey. "And you isn't alone, Mikey. I'm here, eatin' up your nummy life forces."

Mikey raised an eyebrow. "Dude. I come up with a lot of crazy stuff, but that just straight up makes no sense."

Dave laughed. "Nuthin' makes sense to me, hurrrr."

A faint echo of April's voice floated through the air. "Wake up…"

"You know what?" Mikey said, scowling at Dave. "You seem like a nice dude, so I'll ask you to let me go before I pound you like Raph pounds me when he's cranky! I know I'm totally scrumptious and all, but this dish is not on the menu."

Giggling hysterically, Dave clapped his hands together. "Whatcha gonna do, Mikey?"

Mikey was about to reply, when a massive stampede of candy canes and whipped cream canisters came charging toward him. "Oh, snap."

"You better run fast."

Mikey chose a direction and ran. "Not cool, Dave! _Not cool!_"

* * *

><p><em>This isn't working,<em> April thought, staring at Mikey's pale, slack face. _Do I keep trying, or…?_

She couldn't imagine any 'or' option at all. What else was there that she and Casey hadn't tried? Giving up? Accepting the fact that her best friends were going to die?

_No way. _April O'Neil did _not _give up.

"All right, you stupid turtles," she snapped. "You're going to wake up if it's the last thing I do."


	7. Breaking Through Powerlessness

_Smack! _April struck Raphael across the face for the third time. She was hitting as hard as she could, hoping that Raph's inherently violent nature would take care of the rest.

He was still non-responsive.

April hesitated. Who was she kidding? This wasn't the hardest she could hit. But the thought of beating Raph just because he wouldn't wake up was terrible. Besides, if he was going to respond to being smacked around, it would have been at least two slaps ago.

She glanced back at Mikey and Donnie. Her heart nearly stopped in relief or shock – she wasn't sure which. Donnie's lips were moving the tiniest bit, as if he were talking, and Mikey's eyes twitched beneath their lids, like he was in REM sleep.

They weren't awake, but they were showing signs that their brains were functioning. April ran to check their pulses. The beats were still too far apart, but faster than they had been a few minutes ago. "Good job, guys," she said. She planted a kiss on each one's forehead. "You can do it."

She hurried back over to Raph, confident that, if it wasn't waking them up, what she was doing was at least helping them. She placed her hands on Raph's temples and closed her eyes.

"Come on, you big green rage monster," April muttered. "You're not gonna go out like this..."

She drew a deep breath.

"…I won't let you, Raph."

* * *

><p>Raphael was so tightly bound to the chair that he could feel the circulation in his arms and legs being cut off. The hot tingling in his extremities would soon become numbness. The ropes were <em>strong.<em> He'd broken out of ropes countless times during training exercises, but these were stronger than any he'd ever come across before.

He had stopped struggling a while ago. At first, he told himself that he was saving his strength for an opportune moment, just like Master Splinter had instructed him on multiple occasions. Then he realized, _what was the point?_ His sensei was dead. His brothers were dead. What good had Raph's strength ever done him?

He always tried to be the strongest, the best, the most powerful. And he hadn't even come close to it.

Not once.

He was even powerless to look away from his dead brothers. No matter how much he wanted to close his eyes, to shut it out, he couldn't. He wished that he could be dead too – at least he could be reunited with them in whatever waited after death.

Death was fitting for him anyway – the only way he could be any more powerless was if he was dead. So, as the numbness crept up into his limbs, he started praying that it would take his whole body.

"Raph?"

It sounded like April's voice was coming from somewhere above him. He looked up, and saw nothing. When he looked back to where his brothers were, they were gone.

"You're sleeping. You have to wake up."

The ropes around him started to loosen ever-so-slightly.

"You can do this, Raph. I believe that you can. Wake up! I _know _that you can!"

_Can. _

The ropes loosened even more. Now, Raph had the tiniest bit of wiggle room, enough to work his way out of the bonds. In a few moments, he found the right combination of torque and angle to free one arm. He reached back to find the knot. Sweating, he managed to undo it.

The minute he was up out of the chair, a huge dark mass collided with him. He went flying.

"So, you managed to escape, did you?" the beaver growled, materializing in front of him.

Raph picked himself up from the ground. "Yeah, I did." He put up his fists. "And I'm starting to think that this might be a dream. I'm not so powerless after all!"

The beaver rolled its eyes. "Oh, bully for you! You figured out that you're dreaming! How fantastic! I'm curious as to how you feel that makes you any less powerless, though. After all, you're fast asleep, unable to wake up, while I slowly savor every ounce of your life force."

Chills shot down the back of Raph's neck. "So – "

" – You're still dying, yes. Not a thing you can do about it."

Fear was counteracted by anger. "What about my brothers?"

The beaver cracked a twisted grin. "Oh, I'm sure that they're enjoying their dreams as much as you are. You see, I have brothers too. Three, in fact. There is one of us for each of you. Your brothers are alive, though I doubt it's for much longer."

Raph's stomach twisted. He felt like he was going to vomit. It didn't matter that he had broken free; it was still the same situation as before. His brothers were dying, and he was absolutely powerless to help them. Numbness began to creep back into his limbs, like he was still tied.

"Please, Raph." April's voice reverberated in the empty space around them. "Don't give up!"

_Don't give up. _The numbness started to recede.

"You know what, I might be powerless to stop you," Raph bellowed. "I might be dying, even. But I sure as heck am not going to go down without a fight!"

"Delightful," the beaver said, cracking its knuckles. Abruptly, it wheeled around, striking Raph with its massive tail.

It seemed to Raph that he kept flying through the air; there was nothing around him anywhere, like he was suspended in a void. When he finally landed, it felt like he'd smashed into a metal grate.

Finally, a setting materialized around him. He was back at the place where Shredder had defeated Splinter.

The beaver stomped down the sewer tunnel toward him. "Run, little turtle. Run as if you can save yourself that way."

Raph leapt up from the ground and took a fighting stance. "If I'm gonna die, you better believe that it won't be running."

* * *

><p>April opened her eyes. She checked Raph's pulse. It was still so weak – only about 14 beats per minute. But Donnie's had gone from 17 to 29, and Mikey's had leapt from 12 to 36. Both were still too low, but it was enough to keep them from flat-lining. With any luck, in a few minutes, Raph's would be up by at least another 10 beats per minute.<p>

"Hang in there, buddy." She planted a quick kiss on Raph's head and then hurried over to Leo. She put her fingers at his throat.

Nothing.

She pressed her fingers deeper onto his carotid.

Still nothing.

"Leo?" Her heart started racing. Was she just not able to feel it? She grabbed his wrist and applied pressure there.

Nothing at all.


	8. Drifting

"Leo! Leo, no!" April screamed. "Don't do this to me! I need you! We all need you! Leo!"

Her desperation at fever pitch, she put her hands on his head. There was no way that this could work…how long had he had no pulse? Was it because she'd spent too much time fussing over the others? Was it her fault?

_No. _She didn't have time for all that self-blaming crap. If there was a chance this would work, and she didn't do it now, then it _would _be her fault. She drew several deep breaths and started to concentrate.

Leo would wake up.

He _had _to.

* * *

><p>Slowly, the horrific scenes of Shredder killing his brothers began to fade. They drifted away like mist. Leo coughed up another mouthful of blood. He was losing sensation in his body; the pain was starting to lessen.<p>

"Yes, it won't be long now," the icy voice said. "Your fear, your life…so nourishing, so delicious…"

Leo couldn't make sense out of the words. His vision started to black out at the edges until he couldn't see anything. The icy voice's gloating drifted away, everything was drifting away…

He was drifting away…

Totally numb, fading into nothingness…

A soft white light glowed in the distance. Suddenly, his spirits lifted. The light was warm and gentle, drawing him closer in a soft, loving embrace.

Out of nowhere, the dark silhouette of a young woman interposed between him and the light. "Leonardo! You're asleep! Wake up, wake up, wake up! You can't die! You can't, Leo! We need you!"

_April? _Leo thought.

"You're dying, but you've got to come back. We were so directionless while you were gone…we can't lose you again! Please, please, please…"

_No,_ Leo thought. _I'm not asleep. I'm dead, and that light wants me. It's warm. You're in my way, April. _

"LEO!" The silhouette produced a tessen and struck him. The sharp edged scored his arm.

Crying out in pain, Leo spiraled away from the light. Pain was back. The numbness was gone. He crashed to the ground, back at the construction site, gasping for air and coughing up gouts of blood.

April stood over him, her face contorted in anger and grief. "Don't you dare, Leo," she screamed. "Don't you dare!" She pushed her hands onto his wounds, pressing hard.

"It doesn't matter, April," Leo rasped. "I've lost too much blood." He wanted to go back to the light; he could see it drifting in the sky far above them. No more pain or suffering. His brothers were there waiting for him. Maybe Master Splinter was, too.

"Please, Leo." April broke into tears. "Who's going to lead us?"

"I can't." He started drifting up from the ground, back toward the light.

April grabbed his arm and pulled him back to the ground. "You're more than just my friend. You're my leader. My captain. You're the best leader I've ever known. Please, please don't leave us again! I can't bear it!"

The huge beaver returned, looming over them. It growled and struck, knocking April out of the way. "You'd be mine by now. That interfering girl thinks she's saving you, but all she's doing is allowing me to savor your dwindling life forces even more. You're never waking up from this dream."

"Dream?" Leo coughed. April had disappeared, but he could still hear her voice begging him to wake up. "This is a dream?" He coughed again, but there was no blood this time. The light had disappeared from the sky.

"Don't be a fool. The longer you hold on, the worse it gets for you. There's only so long I can chew on my food before it starts to taste bad."

Leo pushed himself up on his elbows. "Food? You're eating me? That's really weird." If this was just a dream, there wasn't any reason to be afraid.

"This isn't fun anymore," the beaver snarled. It opened its mouth wide; Leo could feel all of his strength fading and watched wisps of something bleeding away from him and into the beaver's gaping maw. The light in the sky came back, bigger and brighter and warmer and more beckoning than ever before.

_"WAKE UP, LEONARDO!_" Tessen drawn, April launched herself into the beaver. Her foot landed squarely in its chest. It burst out coughing; wisps left its mouth and drifted their way back to Leo. The light faded, but only slightly.

Leo watched in horror as the beaver snatched up April and swallowed her whole. She disappeared down his gullet with a scream.

"Now," growled the beaver. "Where were we?"

Before it could open its mouth, there was the sound of a slash and April burst out of the beaver's stomach. _"PLEASE, LEO!" _More of the wisps accompanied her, floating back toward Leo.

The beaver howled in pain, even as its abdomen knitted itself back together. "All right," it roared, "if you want this to drag on forever, I'll really make you suffer!" The beaver shifted into mist, and the mist condensed into Shredder. Shredder extended his blades and charged. April couldn't stop him in time. The center blade extended.

It plunged straight through Leo's throat.

"Let go," Shredder hissed. "Stop hanging on. You've failed as a leader. Let go!"

"Hang on, Leo!" April screamed. "Hang on!"

It was too late. He drifted up from the ground, soaring into the light.

A small, slender hand caught hold of one of his fingers, tethering him to pain and suffering, holding him back from the warmth.

"I won't let you, Leo," April's voice said, racked with sobs. "I won't let you go."

* * *

><p>April didn't open her eyes. She kept concentrating, even though she felt like her strength was draining, even though her head was exploding with pain. She wasn't going to let go unless he opened his eyes and told her that he was alive.<p> 


	9. A Waking Nightmare

Donatello clambered up a fire escape and started running across the rooftops. The beaver was in hot pursuit. There was a chance he could still shake it somehow…

Suddenly, two more massive beavers materialized in front of him. One was a sick orange and the other was bright blue. He skidded to a halt. "You've gotta be kidding me! Okay, okay…this is just a dream. I've just gotta wake up. Gotta wake up…"

"Donnie!"

Donnie looked up to see Mikey running toward him, and not a moment later, Raph crawled over the side of the building onto the rooftop.

"Stay away from my brothers, you pointy-toothed freaks!" Raph shouted. "I don't care if I _am_ just dreaming this!"

"Wait, you can't be dreaming," Donnie said. "I'm dreaming."

"What if we're all dreaming?" Mikey said.

Raph put a hand under his chin. "I hate to say this, but Mikey's right. The orange one told me that he and his three brothers were draining our life force, or something."

Donnie looked around. "Then where's Leo and the fourth beaver?"

"Hmm, yes," said the dark red beaver that had been pursuing Donnie this whole time. "Where is our brother? He knows that we like to enjoy our meal time together."

"Yay!" shouted the blue beaver.

The orange beaver shook his head. "I bet you anything that he finished eating without us again."

"You mean – " Raph sputtered, "you mean that Leo's already dead?"

The orange beaver shrugged. "Dire always eats too quickly."

Donnie's stomach twisted in knots. _Leo! _

"He's so inconsiderate," the dark red beaver said. "Fine. If he doesn't want to wait for us, then we won't wait for him."

Dave clapped his hands together. "I like noms!"

"Shut up, Dave!" the other two beavers chorused.

"Guys?" Donnie whispered. "I get the feeling that we should probably run while they're distracted." All three of them made to run, but suddenly, they were unable to move. They all exchange terrified glances.

"Nice try, my salty little friends," the dark red beaver said. "But you aren't getting away this time."

Then, like it was some sort of cultic ritual, the three beavers opened their mouths wide. Donnie suddenly felt himself get weaker. He wasn't sure if he saw or imagined the wisps of something like smoke that seeped out of him, but he could tell that the same thing was happening to his brothers.

The same thing had probably already happened to Leo.

* * *

><p>Leo stared longingly up into the light.<p>

"Please, please wake up!" April's voice was frantic; her shaky grip on Leo's finger was starting to weaken. It wasn't enough to counteract the pull of the light. "You can't go!"

_I'm already gone, April,_ Leo thought, as the light grew stronger and warmer. _There's nothing you can do._

"Leo, please, I – " Abruptly, her grip was gone. Leo didn't even feel her letting go. It was like she had completely disappeared.

He flew upward into the soft, welcoming arms of a better place.

* * *

><p><em>Please, please wake up,<em> April thought frantically, concentrating on Leo with all her might.

She thought she heard a slam or a bang. She almost opened her eyes to see what was happening.

No. She had to keep concentrating. _You can't go! _

The front door of the house burst open; April knew the sound all too well. But she couldn't break her concentration.

_Leo, please, I –_

"Red! You've got to help me with this!"

All of April's concentration disintegrated. She opened her eyes to see Casey just as he threw what appeared to be a massive book to her. Releasing Leo's head, she put up her hands and caught it.

"You've gotta open it!" Casey shouted. "Open the plug. It's the only way to save them!"

"Don't do it!" An older man burst into the room.

Casey tackled the man, pinning him to the floor. "Do it, April!"

Without a moment's hesitation, April opened the book and tried to untwist the plug that was inside. "It's too tight!"

"Just smash it, then!" Casey said.

"No!" the old man yelled.

Screaming, April lifted the book high over her head and smashed it down onto the ground. It made contact and shattered –

A vortex of energy flew up out of the pieces. A few moments later, four brightly colored beavers materialized in the living room. "Yes! Free at last!" one of them said, it's voice a high-pitched squeal.

"Um…why do we sound like chipmunks?" asked a purple one.

"More to the point, where were you, Dire?" an orange one said, pointing an accusing paw at the purple one.

"They – they're talking plush toys?" the old man said. "All this time…and this was it?"

"Whoa!" said a dark red beaver. "We are tiny! Umm…if you'll excuse us…"

With that, the four beavers turned tail and ran.

The old man passed out.

"Dude, those beavers are lucky I was too shocked to do anything," Casey said. "I woulda kicked their tails. How are the guys?"

As if on cue, there was the sound of soft moaning.

April wheeled around to see the turtles waking up. "Donnie! Mikey! Raph! L – "

Leo was as still as death.

"_Leo!" _April screamed. She ran to his side, feeling for a pulse. "No, no…"

Immediately, Donnie was next to her. He pushed her hand out of the way and pressed his fingers to Leo's throat. "How long has he been without a pulse?"

"At least a couple minutes," April sobbed. "Maybe more."

Mikey sniffed; tears started rolling down his face. "Leo didn't wake up?"

"Uh, okay," Donnie said, his voice panicky. "Um…give me some room…" He stretched Leo out on the floor in a classic first aid position. "I'm going to have to try CPR."

Casey's face was white. "Does that work with the shell in the way? "

"Theoretically…"

"Will that even help at this point?" Raph said, kneeling down next to Leo.

"If it doesn't, it doesn't," Donnie snapped. "But if it does…"

"Is he gonna make it?" Mikey asked, coming over and putting a hand on Leo's shoulder.

"Everyone _back off!"_ Donnie yelled. "I need _room!_"

April grabbed Mikey and Raph by the hand and pulled them away. "You can do this, Donnie."

Shaking, Donnie put his hands over Leo's heart and started bearing down on it. He counted under his breath, paused, and took a pulse. "Come on." His hands went back to Leo's chest, and he started pumping again, this time more forcefully.

Raph clenched his fists. "Don't give up, Leo! You can do it!"

"Wake up, bro!" Mikey wailed, pushing tears out of his face.

Donnie paused again to take a pulse. Groaning, he returned to chest compression. "You gotta fight it, Leo. We need you." Tears started to fall from his eyes. "We need you."

Time slowed down. April felt as though a year passed between each compression. When Donnie checked for a pulse again and still got nothing, she thought that her own would stop.

Donnie squeezed his eyes shut. His face was twisted in desperation, like he was about to give up. When he opened his eyes, April got chills at the sheer resolve that shone in them. He returned to compression for several counts. Finally, he administered two rescue breaths and checked Leo's pulse again.

April held her breath.

Donnie shook his head and buried his face in his hands.

The room was utterly silent. April was so grief-stricken she couldn't move.

A second later, Donnie's face contorted in rage. _"No!"_ He slammed his fists into Leo's plastron so hard that there was an audible _crack_.

Again.

"Come on, Leo! _Please!_" Donnie cried. "You can't do this to us!"

_Please, Leo, _April thought, as Donnie raised his fists one more time.


	10. Breaking Through Death

Enveloped in warmth and light and beauty, Leo felt himself slipping away. Slowly, his body started to fade into pure light. Finally, he would have peace…

"No, Leonardo," a stern voice said.

Leo stared. Master Splinter's silhouette stood out against the field of light. _Sensei?_

"I forbid you from this. You cannot abandon your role."

Leo thought he heard muffled cries. It sounded like his brothers.

"Your family needs you. They need their leader."

_I'm not a leader, Sensei. I'm not cut out for it. I never was. _

"I chose you as leader for a reason, Leonardo."

_I know, I know…it was because I asked. _

Splinter approached Leo and placed a gentle hand on the side of his face. "You asked because you were the only one with the courage and capability to lead. I chose you because I believed – and still do – that you are able to lead this family with bravery and honor. Do not give in to despair. Fight. _Fight,_ my son."

_Fight. _Leo latched onto the word. Since when did he give in, anyway?

Splinter held out two katanas like a promise of new hope. _"_Fight, Leonardo!"

_Hai, Sensei. _

Slowly, steadily, Leo reached for his swords. When he seized them, his fingertips began to tingle with sensation. He gasped as feeling returned to his whole body at once. On his next breath, his lungs inflated with so much air that he thought his chest was going explode.

"_Hajime!" _Splinter delivered a spinning kick that struck Leo straight over his heart.

The light vanished. Everything went black. He plummeted in a free fall, and when he landed, it was as if the ground had punched his heart. He felt around blindly in the dark. There was some kind of barrier blocking his path.

_"_Come on, Leo! _Please!_" Donnie's voice cried. "You can't do this to us!"

Another sharp blow landed on Leo's chest. He didn't know what was attacking him, but he knew one thing: _Nothing _kept him from his brothers. With a shout, he raised his katanas and slashed through the barrier.

Leo was still crying out when he opened his eyes. He was lying on the living room floor in the cabin. Five voices cheered at once; Donnie loomed over him, looking like he was about to faint with relief.

"I knew you could do it, Donnie!" April said. She ran over and planted a huge kiss on Donnie's face. "Mwa!"

Donnie laughed nervously. "Let's get him upright." Together, he and April eased Leo into a sitting position.

The minute Leo was sitting up, April threw her arms around him and hugged him tightly. He went to return the embrace, but as he moved his arms, a sharp pain stabbed through his chest. "Ow."

April gasped and pulled back. "Sorry – I didn't mean to hug you so hard. I was – we were all so worried that you weren't going to wake up."

Leo glanced down at his plastron. A star-like pattern of cracks had formed over his heart. "What – "

"Oh, yeah, sorry about that," Donnie said sheepishly. "CPR works a lot better when one doesn't have a shell. If it makes you feel any better, it's pretty common for humans to get sternum fractures during the process."

"CPR?" Leo looked around the room. Casey, Mikey, and Raph stood close by. They all had the same expression of relief on their faces that Donnie and April did. Suddenly, everything made sense. "Oh, no…Donnie kissed me, didn't he?"

"Yup," Raph said, grinning broadly. "And he didn't even buy you flowers first."

Everyone else but Donnie burst out laughing. He crossed his arms. "It's not like I _enjoyed_ it!"

Leo smiled weakly. "Don't worry, Don. We'll never speak of this again. Seriously, though – thanks."

Donnie blinked rapidly several times, as if he was fighting back tears. "No problem. Just – don't make a habit out of coding, okay? I don't think any of us can handle another close call from you."

Mikey raised a hand. "I have a question. What's 'coding?' Isn't that a drug?"

Donnie shook his head. "_Codeine _is a drug, Mikey. _Coding_ is medical slang for flat-lining."

"Was it really that close?" Leo asked.

"Yeah, dude," Casey said. "April said you'd been without a pulse for a couple of minutes even before the other guys woke up."

"Technically, you were dead," Donnie added.

"I have another question," Mikey said, his voice oddly squeaky. "Is Leo gonna be okay now?"

Leo looked over at his younger brother. Mikey's face was tearstained and puffy with crying. "I'll be fine, Mikey. C'mere." Mikey ran over and threw his arms around Leo; moments later, Leo was the center of a group hug. He ignored the pain in his chest for the full duration of the hug.

Predictably, Raph pulled away first. "All right. Leo's not dead, and we're all very happy about it. Anyone have any theories as to what the _heck _just happened?"

"Yeah," Casey said, as they all broke apart. "You guys were being haunted or possessed or something by Dream Beavers."

April raised an eyebrow. "Those little fluffy things were possessing them?"

"Um, they were _not_ little," Donnie said.

Mikey grinned. "They were pretty fluffy, though."

"Can it, Mikey," Raph said.

"So, how exactly does that work, Casey?" April asked.

Casey told them how the old man had discovered that dreams were a different dimension, and that the beavers fed on the life force of sleeping people. "He said that the more terrified the victims are, the better they can drain you, or something. Basically, you die of a nightmare. They use all of your worst fears and subconscious junk to freak you out to death."

"Dude, that makes so much sense!" Mikey said, putting his hands on his head. "I dreamed I was completely and totally alone, and that I was gonna be alone forever…it was scarier than anything I've ever experienced!"

A surge of affection welled up in Leo's heart. That would be the sort of thing that Mikey would fear more than anything else.

"Being totally alone was scarier than _everything _that's ever happened to us?" Raph snarled.

Mikey frowned. "Well, yeah, for me! What did you dream about that was so much worse, huh?"

Raph drew a lip into his mouth and glared at the floor for a few moments. Finally, he looked up. "Okay. I dreamed that you three had died, and I was the last one left."

"Dude, that's basically exactly the same thing!"

"Basically and exactly," Donnie muttered. "Two modifiers you don't usually pair together."

"What about you, Donnie?" April asked.

Donnie's eyes widened. "My dream? Oh…well, there was a lot of stuff, but, basically the same thing as Raph."

April frowned skeptically. "Really?"

"Yes, really. I dreamed that you were trying to wake me up, though. I actually thought I wasn't going to make it…but then you showed up and told me I was asleep."

"Really?" This time, April's eyes were wide in delight. "I knew that it had helped your heart rates, but I didn't know you could actually hear me."

"Yeah, I heard you too," Raph said.

"I probably would've heard you a little better if you weren't a giant talking lollipop," Mikey added.

April grinned. "What about you, Leo?"

Leo's stomach flipped when he realized that five pairs of eyes were glued on him. "I – dreamed that I couldn't protect you three, and you all died."

"And you were alone?" Mikey demanded.

Leo, exchanged glances with Raph and Donnie. Clearly, their summaries had been over-simplified, and he recognized the haunted look in their eyes. "Yeah, Mikey. I was alone."

"See?" Mikey crowed.

Leo turned to April and smiled. "At the end, though, I dreamed that April was trying to get me to wake up."

"Aw, that's so sweet that your biggest fears were all about losing each other," April said.

"Yeah. We all love each other. Fantastic," Raph growled. He picked up his sai from the coffee table where he had left them earlier. "Now if you'll excuse me, I need to beat something up. I'm gonna find a tree to be my practice dummy." With that, Raph stormed out of the house.

"Good plan, Raph," Donnie said. "I'm going to find my portable medkit – I think I have an oximeter in there, and I really want to check Leo's blood oxygen levels after all of this." He turned to Leo. "Plus, I'll come up with something to help your shell heal a little faster."

"Ooh, can I help?" Mikey piped.

"No," Donnie said sternly, as he got up and left.

"Come on, Mikey," Casey said. "We've got to get this dude out of here before he wakes up."

A matter of minutes later, Leo and April were the only ones in the living room.


	11. If It Hadn't Been for You

April watched Leo as he sat down on the sofa and stretched out, wincing as he did. "You okay?"

"Yeah." Leo poked gingerly at the fracture in his plastron. "Donnie really did a number me."

April cringed. If only she had spent less time fussing over the other guys, she might have gotten to Leo before he flat-lined. "Sorry about that."

Leo raised an eyebrow. "How is this your fault?"

"Well, if I'd gotten to you sooner, you wouldn't have needed a kiss from prince charming to wake you up."

Leo burst out laughing, then clutched at his chest. "Ow." He shook his head. "I'm telling him you called him prince charming, by the way."

"Don't. He'll be so embarrassed. I'm surprised you're not."

Leo flushed slightly. "Nah. I'm not embarrassed by that – I wasn't even awake for it."

"You're embarrassed about something, though."

"No, I'm not."

"You're terrible at lying, you know that?" April had seen the look on his face when Leo told Mikey about his dream. He might have meant some of it, but he was clearly not telling the whole story. "But I am sorry I put you on the spot like that. I just realized how personal of a question it was. I should've figured out from Donnie's reaction not to ask you, too."

Leo sighed. "You were there, April. You saw how willing I was to give up."

"I'm confused." April walked over to the sofa and sat down on the end; there was just enough space for her between the arm of the sofa and Leo's feet.

Nevertheless, Leo bent his legs, pulling up his feet so that April had more space. "What do you mean, you're confused? You were there, fighting off that giant beaver."

April couldn't keep her mouth from opening in surprise. "I was just holding your head and concentrating on you, trying to get you to wake up. Your subconscious must have filled in the rest."

"Really?"

"You sound disappointed."

"Well – it was just – you said some really nice things to me."

"Like what?"

"You called me your captain, and said I was the best leader you'd ever known."

April's heart melted. "I was actually thinking that while I was trying to reach you. That you're more than my friend, you're my leader."

A tiny smile crept on to Leo's face. "Really?"

"Yeah."

"I guess your thoughts reached me then." His smile faded, and he hung his head. "You kept telling me to hang on. Even after that, I was still ready to just give up and die. I'm pretty ashamed of that."

_Oh, Leo,_ April thought. Ashamed? How bad had his dream been? "You have _nothing _to be ashamed of, Leo. None of this is on you – you were being attacked in your sleep by a demonic beaver."

Leo nodded, but he didn't seem very convinced. "If it hadn't been for you, April, I wouldn't have made it."

"What do you mean? You didn't make it because of me – you made it because of Donnie."

"Okay – Donnie said that technically, I was dead, right? Well, in my dream, I was bleeding out, and then there was this light, and _you _stopped me from going into it. You dragged me back to earth and started fighting off that beaver thing, but it wasn't enough…" Leo shuddered. "Sh-Shredder stabbed me through the throat, and then I was floating back to the light, and you stopped me. I wanted you to let go, but you wouldn't."

April swallowed. The pain in Leo's face made her want to cry.

"Then suddenly, you were gone. You were saying something to me, and you just vanished."

"That must have been when Casey asked me to smash the dream plug," April said. "Oh, Leo. I'm so sorry."

"That's not my point, April. If you hadn't been holding me back, I would have died way before the others woke up, and then Donnie wouldn't have been able to save me. I'm alive because of you." He nudged her with his foot and smiled. "Thanks."

April blinked tears out of her eyes and sniffed. "You were dreaming about Shredder?"

Leo was silent for a few minutes. When he finally spoke, his voice made him sound far away. "Yeah."

April knew he wasn't lying, but she could see from his face that the dream had been far, far more complicated than that. "If your dream was that bad, I'm glad you kept it from Mikey. He probably wouldn't have been able to handle it."

"Raph and Donnie were holding back, too."

"I knew Donnie was." April had suspected Raph was too, but she had gotten the vibe that he wasn't hiding as much as Donnie and Leo. "It's really sweet that you guys go to such lengths to protect Mikey."

"He deserves to be innocent."

The front door opened, and a moment later, Donnie walked into the living room with an old tackle box that had a red cross drawn on it. "All right, Leo. Let's get you checked out." Donnie took a small clip-like device and put it over the end of Leo's finger. "Oxygen levels are a little too low for comfort." He scribbled down a number on a notepad. "Mine were too, but not as low as yours. You'll want to work on some deep breathing."

Leo complied immediately by taking a deep breath; however, he winced halfway through. "It's hard with my chest hurting."

Donnie nodded as he pulled a stopwatch out of his. "I believe it. Here, give me your wrist." Holding Leo's wrist, Donnie counted under his breath until he clicked the stopwatch off. "Let's see…18 times three…that's only fifty-four. Okay for resting, but I'll check again later when you've moved around a little."

April watched with some amusement as Donnie switched to a stethoscope. He was so thorough. She had always admired that about him, even though sometimes it was annoying. But she could tell by the look on his face that he was still somewhat traumatized by almost losing his brother, and possibly from whatever horrors he had experienced in his own dreams.

"All right." Donnie put everything back into his tackle box. "Your vitals are good. I'll try to rig up an x-ray so that I can make sure I didn't damage your sternum in addition to your plastron."

"About that," Leo said, "I don't suppose you started up a batch of shellac?"

"Oh, yeah, I did, but it won't be ready 'til tomorrow."

"Shellac?" April raised an eyebrow. "You're going to varnish him?"

Donnie chuckled, though there was an edge of nervousness to it that reminded April of how he acted right after they'd escaped New York. "No. It's just what we call my calcification-promoting shell re-bonding agent. You know, that stuff that I made for him right after we got here. It accelerates the healing process by as much as 22.8 percent. I've actually been making that stuff for years – Mikey called it shellac once, and it just kind of stuck." He locked the tackle box shut.

"Are you doing okay, Donnie?"

"Me?" Donnie said, his voice leaping up in pitch. "Yeah. I'm fine. Why wouldn't I be fine?"

April opened her mouth to reply, but Leo shook his head at her. Just then, they heard the door open, followed by Raph's characteristically noisy, forceful footsteps going up the stairs.

Leo cringed at the noise. "You know, I never ceased to be amazed by the fact that Raph is actually as stealthy as he is."

"Should we check on him?"

"Bad idea," Leo and Donnie said in unison.

The rest of the day passed relatively normally, as if the turtles hadn't had a close brush with death. Casey and Mikey returned with several boxes of pizza, and all of the turtles ate an almost comical amount of it. Probably, April thought, because their dreams had drained them so much. Raph spent most of the evening alone and Donnie spent most of it in his lab, but this wasn't out of the realm of normality. Leo played some video games with Casey.

It wasn't until well after nightfall when Mikey announced that he was tired that things got strange again. All of them except Raph were in the living room, and Mikey stood up and declared that he was going to get ready for bed.

"You're kidding, right?" Leo said.

"No, I'm not kidding. I just ate six pizzas, dude. You know I pass out after four, usually."

"See? This is where your pizza-fuelled nightmares come from," Casey commented.

Mikey put a hand over his face. "Can we not talk about nightmares?" His voice had a slight edge to it.

Casey grinned sheepishly. "Yeah…sorry."

"Actually, sleep isn't a bad idea." Donnie put a hand on his chin. "I mean, I think we are all pretty exhausted – we need to regenerate a little. Especially you, Leo."

Leo scowled. "Really, Donnie? Really?"

"Yes, really!" Donnie snapped. "It will help re-oxygenate your blood – which, by the way, is still too low on dissolved gasses. Look, we ought to at least _try _to sleep. And we all know that the threat is gone now. It will be perfectly normal sleeping."

"Don't worry, Leo," April said. "Casey and I can check on you guys during the night."

Leo didn't seem overly convinced, but finally he agreed. "I'm not gonna be the one that tells Raph he needs to sleep, though."


	12. Talking it Over

Leo lay on his bed, pretending to be asleep when April came in to check on him. He reacted just enough to make her think that he was okay, but not enough for her to think she had woken him. She must have been satisfied, because she left in under a minute. Once the door had closed behind her, Leo opened his eyes.

On the other side of the room, Mikey lay on his bed snoring loudly. There was a reason that no one else had wanted to share a room with him. Fleetingly, Leo wished that the farmhouse had more than three rooms. Casey, Raph, and Donnie had claimed the master bedroom, while April had chosen her old room, leaving the guest room for Leo and Mikey. At first, Donnie and Mikey had roomed together – an arrangement Leo assumed took place because Donnie wouldn't have been able to stand rooming with Casey, Raph couldn't have handled living with Mikey, and there would never be peace if Mikey actually got a room to himself. However, three months or so of living with Mikey had made Donnie desperate for the change – even if it meant sharing a room with Raph and Casey.

Mikey's snores were especially obnoxious tonight. Usually, Leo was able to tune them out, but not tonight. Who was he kidding? He knew that Mikey's snoring wasn't what was keeping him awake. With a sigh, he got up from the bed, snuck past April's room, and silently moved down the staircase.

He was startled to see that the light in the living room was on. He peered around the corner and saw that Donnie and Raph were in there. "You guys couldn't sleep either, huh?"

Both of them shook their heads. Their faces were haunted; Leo imagined that his own face probably was too. Raph gestured for Leo to sit on the couch with him. Leo jumped over the back of the couch, wincing a little at the motion.

"You really shouldn't be doing that," Donnie said wearily.

Leo didn't reply, and Donnie didn't press the issue. They all sat together in silence, eyes firmly glued on the floor, listening to the steady ticking of the clock on the wall. They must have been sitting like that for fifteen minutes when Leo couldn't take it anymore. The pain in the room was palpable. _Lead, Leo, _he told himself._ They're just as lost as you are – but they need you to lead. _

He drew a deep breath. "I think we all know that none of us were honest with Mikey." When he looked up, Donnie and Raph's eyes were glued on him, the sadness in their faces almost unbearable. "That's for the best. We all know how Mikey is."

A tiny, sad smile crept into the corner of Donnie's mouth. Raph returned his gaze to the floor.

"But I think that maybe – we can be honest with each other. I think we need to be, or this is just going to eat us up forever."

Donnie nodded immediately. Raph crossed his arms and scowled for a few moments before he gave a jerk of his head in the affirmative.

"All right, then," Leo said. He was silent for a moment, trying to compose how we was going to explain his dream, when suddenly Donnie burst out.

"I was back in New York. This thing was chasing me – it was like it was me, but everything about myself that I hate, trying to kill me. It…told me that I was ignorant. Useless. A failure. And that wasn't it. I saw everything that scares me." He covered his face with his hands. "You guys and April dead. Sensei, gone. New York in flames and covered in mutagen. And it was all my fault, all my failure. If I'd just listened to Leo, or if the Turtle Mech had worked better…"

"That's a load of crap, Donnie," Raph snapped. "The invasion wasn't your fault."

Leo swallowed. _Lead. _"I understand. I know what it's like to blame yourself for something. But I hope you know that none of us blame you for New York." _Least of all, me._

Donnie pulled his hands away, revealing tears. "I – I've always been pretty hard on myself. But I never realized how much…how much I actually _hate _myself. Those beavers were only working with what was already there, you know?"

Leo tried to think of something to say, but he couldn't.

Donnie sniffed loudly. "It told me that I ought to be begging it to kill me. And – and – " He emitted a horrible, choked sob. "I did. I begged it to kill me. I've never – never wanted to die before – "

_Donnie,_ Leo thought. There was a pain in his chest that had nothing to do with his CPR injury.

Abruptly, Raph jumped off of the sofa. He walked over to the chair where Donnie sat and gave him a hug. "Me either. But I felt the same way."

Donnie wiped a tear out of his eye. "Really?"

"Yeah." Raph clapped Donnie on the shoulder before returning to the sofa. He sighed. Then, he punched the arm of the sofa. "Splinter was there, telling me how powerless and weak I was. And then…there was just this voice telling me about all of the times I haven't been able to protect myself, or anyone else…gah!" He balled his hands into fists. "And then that stupid beaver – I was tied to a chair, and he crushed the two of you and Mikey into a pulp. And I couldn't do a thing about it. The worst part of it is that it's true – I am _powerless."_

"That's simply not factual, Raph. You are absolutely without a doubt the best fighter of all of us." Donnie's voice was thick with envy. "You're incredibly powerful."

"So I'm a good fighter. But what good has that done in the last three months? It didn't save me from the Creep, or any of us from April's mom, and it didn't do a blasted thing in New York. I couldn't do a thing to help you, Leo." Raph squeezed his eyes shut, but a few tears managed to escape. "And I couldn't save Sensei."

Leo was shocked. It was the first time he'd actually _seen_ Raph shed tears since they were five or six years old. "Raph…"

"There was _nothing _I could do. And there was _nothing_ I could do to get out of that dream, either. I started going numb, and then I just wanted to die."

Leo reached over and put a hand on Raph's shoulder. "I get it, Raph. Believe me." He drew a deep breath. It was his turn to share now. He wondered how much he should tell them – wondered how much they could handle.

But they were part of his team. They deserved to know the truth.

He told them everything. Every painstaking detail, from the stupid meteorite to Splinter's accusation to Shredder murdering them, up until April's entrance.

The living room was silent when he finished. Donnie and Raph stared at him with horrified expressions.

Finally, Raph spoke up. "Leo, you know we'll follow you anywhere."

Leo was shocked for a second time, but he couldn't hold back a bit of bitterness. "Yeah. Except for all the times you didn't."

"Hence the future tense," Donnie said. "We _will_ follow you anywhere. I – I'm sorry that we haven't listened in the past."

"Me too," Raph added.

"Thanks, guys." Leo was surprised that their words didn't actually make him feel better. "But you know how you said the beavers were working with what was already there, Donnie? The truth is that I'm _not_ a good leader. I've screwed up a _lot_ of things. Like with Karai – "

"That was Shredder's fault," Raph growled.

"Yeah," added Donnie. "I get why you feel responsible, but you aren't. Being a leader doesn't mean you can _control_ people – it was Karai's choice to leave, and Shredder's choice to be an evil…an evil…"

Raphael suggested a string of inappropriate Japanese words to help Donnie out.

Donnie pointed at Raph. "Exactly."

"What are you guys doing down here?"

Leo looked over his shoulder and was rewarded for his effort with the sight of April with her hands on her hips, frowning and tapping her foot on the floor.


	13. Moving Forward

Leo sighed. He hadn't wanted April to be a part of this conversation, though it made him feel guilty, considering everything she had done for them.

Donnie glanced at the clock. "I thought it was Casey's job to check on us."

"He's asleep." April scowled. "Funny that the two of _you_ share a room with him, and you snuck down here after he fell asleep."

"So how did you even know we weren't in bed?" Raph said.

"Because it's _my_ job to check on MIkey and Leo."

Leo cringed at the pain in his chest as he turned sideways on the couch so that he could face April. "We couldn't sleep, so we're kind of talking things through. I didn't think we'd actually be able to sleep unless we did."

April's expression softened. "Oh. That makes sense. Sorry." She walked over to the chair next to Donnie and started to sit down.

Leo was trying to figure out whether he should ask her to leave them alone, and how to ask her to leave them alone without hurting her feelings.

Donnie spoke up. "It's kind of a private conversation, April." His voice was firm but gentle.

Leo was floored. _Donnie _was sending April away? He exchanged a glance with Raph, whose elevated eyebrows indicated a similar response. It made sense, of course. Donnie was vulnerable and probably didn't want April to see that side of him. Leo could hardly blame him for that. But it was still surprising that Donnie felt so strongly about it that he was giving up a chance for April to sit by him, especially since if he was upset, there was a good chance she'd kiss him on the cheek.

Fleetingly, Leo thought that he ought to talk to April about that, since it generally left Donnie completely and utterly baffled by her normal indifference.

"Oh." April sounded startled. "I'm sorry. I guess I should have figured that out."

Donnie gave her a weak smile.

"Thanks for caring though, _imouto,"_ Raph said.

Leo shook his head in amazement. The whole world was upside down. Donnie was asking April to leave, and Raph was behaving in a way that could only be described as tender.

April beamed. "You know I'm older than you, right?"

Raph rolled his eyes. "Fine. Shut up and leave us alone, _Nēchan._"

Now _that _sounded more like Raph.

"That's better." April grinned. She turned to go, pausing before she did. "If you guys need me, you know where to find me."

"Thanks, April," Leo said. "For everything."

"No problem. You know, it was either help you guys or be stuck alone with Casey, so it was a pretty easy decision."

The fact that she was trying to make light of it indicated to Leo that she had, in fact, been extremely rattled by the whole thing. She was, in a way, trying to console herself. She had saved them, and she wanted to be a part of this conversation. He felt terrible for shutting her out.

But some things were just too private.

Raph snorted. "Try living in the same room as him."

"Pass." With that, April left the room.

They waited until her footsteps had faded before talking again.

Donnie grinned stupidly. "April doesn't want to be alone with Casey?"

"Oh, shut _up_, Donnie," Raph said.

"We'll have to let everyone in on this a little, guys," Leo said. "Maybe not everything…but after what April went through, she at least deserves to know some of it."

"What about Mikey?" Raph said. "I still can't believe how tame his nightmare was. Do we really want to tell him how bad ours were?"

Donnie shrugged. "In Mikey's defense, he didn't exactly have the most competent beaver."

"Good," Leo said firmly. "I'd rather have my nightmare all over again than let Mikey have to go through something like that."

"I still say we shouldn't tell him." Raph crossed his arms defensively.

"We can't shelter him forever," Donnie said. "I feel like Splinter would want us to be open with him."

_Splinter_. Leo missed him so badly. Being the leader had been hard enough when he had Splinter's authority to fall back on, but now he was alone at the top.

No. Not alone. His team had his back as much as he had theirs.

"I think you're right, Donnie," Leo sighed. He hated to admit it. He was with Raph – as he had told April, Mikey deserved to be innocent. Nevertheless, Mikey was part of their team. Their brother. He would probably want to know. "But he's sleeping really well right now. We should wait 'til morning. And then, I guess we should decide how much of this we want to share with April and Casey."

Donnie grimaced. "What minimum percentage should we share with them? I mean, is ten percent too low?"

"Whatever you're most comfortable with. We should definitely at least tell her about how her intervening saved us. I already told her a little about mine. She didn't really pry too much. I think she gets it. And Casey, well, he probably won't pry too much, either. He's laid back like that."

Raph heaved an exasperated sigh. Leo could tell from Raph's expression that he would rather not share any of it with their friends, even after he'd just called April his sister. Not just sister. _Little _sister. Raph wanted to protect her as much as he wanted to protect Mikey. "Fine."

"So…what are we going to do moving forward?" Donnie asked.

Suddenly, Leo was keenly aware of the fact that both of his brothers were staring at him, waiting for him to lead them. He bit his lip and thought for a moment. "Splinter would tell us that acceptance is the key to peace. I think we all need to accept the fact that some of what our nightmares showed us was true. Donnie, you have made a lot of mistakes and screw-ups. We all have. Raph, you can't always be in control. There are always times you're going to be weak. And that goes for all of us. And me? I have to accept the fact that I haven't always been the best leader. I _have_ failed, a lot of times. And of course Shredder is a better leader than I am – he has way more experience.

"But none of that makes us useless, or powerless, or failures. It's not a reason to hate ourselves. We've been that way in the past, but we can move forward from it." Leo let out a light chuckle. "It's like Donnie said. We need to focus on the future tense here. We'll find a way to go back to New York and make things right. Sure, we'll have setbacks, just like always. But we'll find a way to beat the Kraang. We'll find Karai."

Donnie's face started to light up. "Maybe we'll find Sensei, too. In my dream, that voice kept telling me that hope was the same thing is fear. But I'd rather be hopeful than give up."

"Donnie, there's no way that he could have survived that," Raph said. "He was out when he hit the water."

"We don't know that for sure." Donnie's voice leapt up in pitch slightly. "He might have woken just before impact. Even if he didn't, he has human DNA, which means he has a diving reflex. He would have automatically held his breath. There's a chance he woke up and was able to swim out."

Leo braced himself. There was still something he hadn't told his brothers. "Donnie…I want to believe that as much as you do. I hoped too. But…you said that I was dead, right?"

"Medically speaking, yes."

"There was this light. It was beautiful, and it was like I was becoming part of it. Splinter was there, guys. If I was dead, and he was there, then…do the math."

"There's no scientific evidence to support the thought of an afterlife."

"Splinter believed there was," Raph said.

"Oh come on, Raph. You don't actually believe that, do you?"

Raph was silent for a moment. "Yeah, I do."

"Okay. So Splinter was there, Leo. How was he there, exactly?"

"He told me that I couldn't give up. That I had to fight. He gave me a new pair of katanas, and I felt like my chest was exploding with air. Then he kicked me over my heart, and I fell into this dark place I couldn't escape. But something punched my chest again, and I heard you telling me that I couldn't leave you guys. My chest got punched again, and then I used my katanas to slice my way out of that place. I opened my eyes, and, well, you know the rest."

Donnie pursed his lips and shook his head. "Leo, that coincides with me giving you CPR. No one knows what happens to the mind in situations like that. It was a construct of your subconscious. We were all yelling at you not to give up, and to fight. Splinter kicking you after you could breath was me, practically breaking your shell after I gave you rescue breaths. I compressed your heart two more times after that, and then you woke up."

"No, Donnie. I heard you guys yelling too, but it was far away."

"I'm telling you, there's not _any _scientific evidence that suggests…"

"Splinter is dead." Raph snapped. "Just accept it and move on. We can't have any peace until we all accept that fact. Afterlife or not, you _know_ that there wasn't any way out of that. You've been saying that this whole time until now."

"But – we can't give up hope, right? Splinter talked about acceptance, but he told me that there was always hope."

Donnie was right. Splinter did frequently talk about diametrically opposed things like that. But maybe, just maybe, acceptance and hope weren't so opposite from each other. "We need to accept that he's gone _and_ hold onto hope. Sensei seemed to be able to do it. Why shouldn't we?"

Donnie was beaming, and hope was dawning on Raphael's face for the first time in months.

"What do you say, team?" Leo said, smacking a fist into his hand. "Let's do this."

Raph grinned. "Whatever you say, chief."

"High three?" Donnie asked.

Suddenly, Leo found himself ready to explode with hope too. "High three."

Three hands slapped together.

* * *

><p>Miles away, deep in the sewers of New York City, Splinter sat in the lotus position. He had been scouring the city for months, looking for his sons, gathering intel from any of the Kraang who were too scared to refuse him information, and dispatching the ones who did refuse.<p>

All of their reports were the same. The attempt to dispatch three of the ones known as 'the turtles,' the one who was known as 'April O'Neil,' and the one…

Splinter groaned. Nearly four months of only communicating with Kraang was starting to wear on him.

The Kraang had failed to kill three of his sons, April, and Casey. Their location was unknown. When he inquired about his fourth son, he got the same answers every time. Shredder was thought to have killed Leonardo, but the Kraang had been unable to confirm it. No one had retrieved his body, though the current report was that the others had taken it.

Splinter hoped beyond hope that this was true. If Leonardo was not dead, and was with his brothers, then there was the chance that Donatello would be able to revive him. On the other hand, without his laboratory, would Donatello be able to manage it?

Drawing a deep breath, Splinter began to meditate, focusing all his thoughts on Leonardo.

_Leonardo, my son. I know that you and I have a strong connection. You, more than all of my sons, have been faithful to the art of meditation. Perhaps, if you still live, my reassurance will reach you in some small way, whether you recognize it or not. _

_I know you are prone to despair when it comes to your capabilities as a leader, and how you allow your self-doubt to consume you. You might look at this present situation and want to forsake your position._

_No, Leonardo. I forbid you from this. You cannot abandon your role. Your family needs you. They need their leader. _

Even in the depths of his meditation, Splinter longed to be close to his son. He imagined reaching out and placing his hand on the side of Leonardo's face.

_I chose you as leader for a reason, Leonardo. You asked to be leader because you were the only one with the courage and capability to lead. I chose you because I believed – and still do – that you are able to lead this family with bravery and honor. Do not give in to despair. Fight. Fight, my son._

Still in his trance, Splinter imagined handing Leonardo a new pair of katanas, to remind him of his responsibility as leader. To encourage him.

_Fight, Leonardo!_

He imagined that they were together in the dojo, and that Leonardo was before him, waiting for instructions. He imagined that they were training, getting ready to practice what they were working on just prior to the invasion: a kata for defense against a high, spinning kick to the chest.

_Hajime!_

Of course, Leonardo would not be able to block it the first time…

A loud sound echoing through the sewers brought Splinter out of his trance, severing his imagined connection with Leonardo. As he rose from the ground, he cursed himself for hoping. If he could only accept the harsh probability that his son was dead, he could move on and find peace in the fact that his other sons were still alive.

Acceptance was always the way to true peace.

But maybe – just maybe – Leonardo was out there, fighting his way to becoming the greatest leader the world would ever see. After all, as he had told his sons on countless occasions, there was always hope. It was time he listened to his own advice.

_"Yame,"_ sighed Splinter. Tears rose in his eyes. "You have done well, my son."

The End

* * *

><p><strong>Author's note: I hope you enjoyed this story - I had fun writing it. Thanks to everyone who read, favorited, followed, and reviewed this story! Special thanks to Athese, who pointed out that Mikey deserved to know the truth, too. <strong>

**If you like this story, and you haven't already, check out my profile to see some of the other things I've written for TMNT 2012. Most of my other stories take place after "Slash and Destroy" and before "The Good, the Bad, and the Casey Jones," so they take a significant departure from canon at that point.**

**Keep on being awesome guys - LTD - Like a turtle do! Booyakasha!**


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